-we're all sick-

time flies... the last post was 5 months ago......

today is my father's b-day dinner... but it was not a happy one...

we all know about the problems but no one know what to do... we have tried and failed. or someone just chose to ignore it, to look away from reality.

when my dad was in the toilet, my mother asked my sis why their relationship is like that..
"why can't we meet and spend time together? even you spend the times with friends, why not with your mother?"

the ans is, we're all sick.. mentally, not physically...

my sis didn't know how to ans.. the only ans is "I'm not ready"
Mother thinks it is not because she is ready or not, it depend on if she wants to.

when only my mother and I was walking on the street, she said if she didn't get marry, she would have her own flat and even an extra one to rent to other. Life is a lot easier.
I asked her, "so do you mean I am better not to come to this world?"

I didn't feel sad for myself but I felt sad for her...
If I were not born, probably they would divorce already and have a happier life.

she also reminded me not to marry because "you need to"..
she thinks a lot, actually is too much.. always regret... always feel sad and worry.
so do I. I understand why she thinks in this way... and the only person can help herself is her own. "Think positively" That's what I always tell her... and what I always tell myself...